Be curious
Well-being 🌿 | Constructive attitude 🏗️ | #Curiosity #Understanding #Connection
TL;DR
Curiosity fosters growth and understanding, helping to alleviate conflicts in conversations.
It encourages meaningful connections and effective communication by prioritising active listening.
Practicing genuine curiosity involves refraining from imposing opinions to better understand others' perspectives.
Seed
Being curious is generally a good recommendation when it comes to opening ourselves to other perspectives. It’s a habit that encourages us to push outside of our comfort zone and grow.
But curiosity can also contribute to reducing conflicts in conversations. Demonstrating genuine curiosity and seeking to understand the other person's perspective can defuse potential confrontations.
If you often feel angry with the world or find yourself frequently arguing or passionately defending your opinions unnecessarily, curiosity can be a great strategy to employ. Showing genuine curiosity, trying to understand what the other is saying and how they came to the point where they are at won’t leave much room for confrontation.
Furthermore, curiosity helps foster connections with others. Showing curiosity, regardless of the topic, can create an opportunity to bond. Imagine how you feel when you talk about something you enjoy, and someone asks you to share more.
The crucial part is to ensure you don’t allow your ego or judgmental thoughts to dominate the interaction. If you sense these emotions welling up, make a physical gesture to remind yourself to remain curious. For example, you can cross your arms or place your hand over your mouth, anything that will prompt you to listen first.
Another essential aspect of curiosity is avoiding ulterior motives, such as persuading the other person. Whether you intend to sell an idea or a product, understanding the other person's needs, wants, or values should precede your attempts at persuasion. Genuine curiosity begins with a true desire to actively listen and understand the other person’s viewpoint before attempting to convince them of your perspective.
In my field of work - data - Scott Taylor advocates for "Truth before Meaning." While truth can be subjective, the idea here is to ensure you comprehend what you observe before rushing to interpret it.
And as French writer Bernard Werber rightly put it:
Between what I think, What I want to say, What I believe I'm saying, What I say, What you want to hear, What you hear, What you understand... there are ten possibilities that communication may encounter difficulties. But let's try anyways.
Finding "truth" through communication is challenging. So remember be patient and open-minded. As always show compassion towards others, and towards yourself when you practice this exercise.
Example
Certain spiritual topics often evoke a compelling urge in me to interject with my perspective. I find myself instinctively driven to challenge the ideas presented. Regrettably, this inclination has led to some contentious conversations within my personal circle. In hindsight, I realise these discussions could have been much more peaceful had I refrained from expressing my views and instead simply listened. To remedy this, I have actively embraced the practice of curiosity. When confronted with these topics now, I make a conscious effort to comprehend their underlying principles, mechanics, implications, and what value this belief adds to this person’s life. I've been very surprised to find that this approach helps temper my impulse to interject and critique the potential biases within the concepts presented to me.
Bonus
If you haven’t seen it yet, there’s a recipe for one form of curiosity.
And here are two channels practicing street epistemology, which I highly recommend.
One of my favourite Cordial Curiosity episode: